Every year I get involved in a few fantasy sports leagues. And most years, I write up fun news report spoofs about the team. This year, I took the name Fawcett City Bolts for my baseball team, here's that first spoof ...

Sivana: Bolts will rock in 2006

In wake of lawsuit, stadium workers,
patrons will be outfitted with goggles

FAWCETT CITY, Mich. — Magnificus Sivana was getting Fawcett City pumped about the Bolts' upcoming season Tuesday.
Sporting the team's red and yellow jersey, Sivana, owner and general manager of the Fawcett City squad, spent most of the conference touting special fan and family appreciation days, while deflecting questions about a recent class-action lawsuit.
"Binder Stadium is going to rock this year!" he said. "From special appearances to giveaways, you won't find better 'pro-family' in the Midwest."
Among the events the Bolts have lined up are appearances by the Bulleteer and ocassional play-by-play work by Tawky Tawny.
Giveaways include t-shirts, seat pads, Fawcett City history cups, "Bolt bats" and stuffed animals.
In lieu of last year's class action lawsuit, Sivana said that all workers and patrons will be provided polarized, anti-lighting "goggles."
The lawsuit stemmed from frequent lightning strikes on the stadium last year, resulting in more than three-dozen claims of eye damage. In testimony, meteorologists theorized that the stadium's unique structure — designed by Sivana's father, Thaddeus Sivana — might be responsible for attracting so many clear-sky lightning bolts.